I was once asked..."What was it that caused your pain to begin?"  I didn't know what to say, because the nature of my pain is on "purpose" a mystery to those around me.  It is a mystery in part because I chose not to share.  I chose not to share the depth of my physical pain because I didn't want others to see or hear or know the reason as to why or what is "thought" as to why my body decided to slowly shut down almost ten years ago.  For me, I thought part of my pain was normal.  Not typically a person who verbalizes complaints, I internalized my situation and worked through what I was experiencing until my circumstance became too great for me to bare alone.

But as time passed, and as physical healing began, I felt a pressing to share my story.  A constant compelling in my mind to write it down.  If for no other reason, so that I could remember.  If for no other reason, so that my children could know.  Even today reading my own story brings tears to my eyes.  Tears because I still feel the thought of the pain, the physical pain, the emotional pain, the years of pain.

As a believer in Jesus, I feel strongly that God doesn't call His children to hold onto those things which bind us, but he instead calls us to share so that others might come into knowledge and faith in Him.  So that others may believe and seek eternal life.

One of the funny things about my story is that due to the brain fog, which is a symptom of the condition I have, it is difficult for me to remember those things which I want to say, those things which in one moment I feel as if I should share and the next moment, I forget what it was that I was thinking about.  A blessing and a curse, you might say.  All I know and can rely on is that God is my guide and I have prayed that the things which I share with you would be things not of myself but those things that God would use to bring you healing in your journey.

If you have read to this point you are probably at your wits end or are seeking answers for someone else.  I once stood exactly at the place where you are standing right now.  I was at my end, I was tired of trying, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I was in so much pain and all I wanted was for it to stop.  But, just as important, I wanted to know what it was that had, what was going on with my body, WHAT DO I CALL THIS!  My husband used to call it "the pain with no name", because it took us six years to finally get answers and eventually help and healing.

If you (or someone you know) can answer yes to any of these questions or symptoms below then THIS IS THE BOOK FOR YOU!  You may just have C.R.P.S., also known as the suicide disease.